There’s a strange thing about coming out of the rabbit hole, and that is how surprisingly fast time itself seems to speed up. Far more than that feeling of “Wow, the day really went fast...”, this feeling completely blows your mind and is more like, “Wow, I have absolutely no idea what month this is”. There are less things to focus on the more still you become, less things to measure your life by in any sense of time, task or accomplishment. The moment just is, timeless and forgiving; and you begin to experience it as such, falling into equilibrium with the rhythm and vibration of being alive and aware.
I wasn’t exactly searching for a “still point” when I found it. The still point just sort of found me. Over weeks it wrapped its arms around me slowly, so that my ego didn’t see it coming. Without warning it was too late to be deflective and there it was.
I can’t say there was a definite point of “Wow, this is the still point!”, it begins more as a state of mind embedded within your everyday life. The vibrations of influence that reality seemingly brings you become so minimal, it is as though you are in meditation for days on end. Except for the occasional thoughts or conversations with my wife about consciousness, and our understanding of a single mind reality, “my mind” was a void. There was no desire at all. If I wanted to sleep, I slept. If I wanted to work, I worked, If I wanted to eat I would eat, If I wanted to meditate, I meditated. Aside from a few minor business dealings, and music productions, I was free.
Up until this point my normal routine was not that of a person free of responsibility. I unfortunately, still believed that Ford has a mortgage and bills and a job. But the more still I became, the less life required of me and the more life became automatic. Things that used to completely stress me out before, became effortless and were addressed with absolute integrity, but required minimal attention or diversion from my constant state of peace. Money just started flowing in from all kinds of revenue streams. I even picked up additional clients and the financial concerns I had been feeling minimized their vibration of influence over me.
Everyday, I would have the most amazing day and in the midst of my bliss, I would find myself becoming automatically grateful for the experience. I would laugh and ask myself “Could tomorrow be just as simple and easy as today was?” With the easiest of ease, tomorrow came and went and it was so easy, before I knew it 4 days had passed. This is what I noticed most, that time does indeed fly when you’re having fun.
It’s been over a year and a half of primarily “living in the now” since I last posted to this blog. Promoting this book and spreading this message was at one time in my life the most important thing in the world to me. But over time, that need for anyone to understand my way of being has faded. Bliss did not require anyones understanding but my own.
As I began to surface from the rabbit hole that I like to call “Modern domesticated human life”, it was as though I was reaching the surface of the water from the depths of an abyss. There was a feeling of being able to breathe, and a tremendous feeling of decompression. All of my thought patterns were different. Calm became the norm and my emotions were replaced with a kind of emptiness. I did not feel overly joyful, but more so like a dull numbness that slowly grew into the purest sense of joy and gratitude I have ever known. I became simply grateful for how truly amazing life is. Grateful over the miracle that is taking place in every single moment. “Wow” became my new favorite word.
The climax of the experience was to simply look around at all of the beings playing the role of “Basic Modern Domesticated Human” and completely loosing myself in the amazement that “I” used to be one of “them”, habitually unaware, in spite of all good intentions. Over several months it seemed the wow factor and humor of this slowly transformed, at first into anger and frustration with how egoic people are as a species. My perspective then slowly shifted into disappointment in humanity and in individuals for their lack of consideration and understanding of balance and integrity. This frustration continued to grow until I could see the truth in it. They are not aware of what they do; and upon this realization, I could feel nothing but compassion for them. “Oh my god…”, I thought to myself, “they really don’t see what has become so obvious to me!”
All of this started in the most bizarre way, and I never could have dreamed the implications that just changing a few habits would lead to. It started from a conscious decision not to answer my cell phone every time it rang. I stopped checking e-mails 20-30 times a day, and instead I checked it 5 times a day (as this is my primary window to the world and source of income). I stopped watching television, I stopped investing my time in news and gossip. I stopped seeing friends, not because I was angry with them or because I wanted them out of my life, but because I wanted to focus all of my spare time reflecting inward and on my spiritual practice. I could no longer justify wasting my precious time and energy on meaningless conversation and superficial interests. I realized that life is too short for anything that doesn’t make me feel good or that doesn’t help me to grow as a conscious being. From a single conscious choice, a choice to focus on “my self” instead of serving the whimsical needs of reality, I immediately noticed a difference in my life. In what seemed like only a few months at most, a year and a half slipped by, gone like a thief in the night. Time did not matter though, nothing mattered except for maintaining the peace and tranquility.
A friend once told me that the grass may appear greener on the other side, but if you move away from the proverbial fence far enough, the grass is brown and dead on both sides. As wonderful as the bliss is, even this bliss comes at a price. Out of boredom, desires slowly started to creep back in. I noticed my thoughts begin to wander into “what ifs’…” again. Another thing I noticed, was that although the stillness fed my soul, it also shuts out the drama that feeds inspiration, creating an artistic mental block. As a composer and music producer, having a mental block was not a good thing. Even though, I wrote the best songs of my career during this period, everything I wrote was about the bliss. My music became beautiful, and almost church like, but one dimensional. I also couldn’t help to notice feeling like I was retired. Although everyday was beautiful, sometimes a little drama spices things up and keeps the game interesting. The realization of this came in to full view when I was suddenly asked to take my overdue vacation. My wife and I thought about it for hours. We could go pretty much anywhere in the world we wanted and still nothing we could come up with sounded better than home. We were both completely amazed by this.
So here I am, now. I exist in a kind of daze of half awakened to the truth of reality and half-way sucked into it. I feel like a surfer, riding and balancing on the waves of the moment. With the slightest shift in perspective I can make my world either spiritual and perfect as it already is, or allow myself to fall for the cosmic joke one more time and allow my ego to have a voice. I have decided to take on life again, in small doses and under my terms. I had thought about doing this for a while, but it is only now that I feel strong enough to wade through the currents and into the deep again. Over the last few weeks, I have been re-inserting myself back into the world, back into my role as “Awakened human pretending to be lost”. Music once again flows freely from me like it did when I was in my teens. I feel like a kid again, re-charged, and with a brand new operating system that guides me every step of the way.
